Shark Attacks Are Real

Posted by on May 27th, 2008 in Did You Know

Remember when Ian Edwards Gilbert made that joke about how there’s no such thing as a shark attack? In case you forgot, here it is straight from his blog:

I know this is random, but I just want to clear this up for people out there.

There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack.

I know you’re making a weird face as you’re reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.

We’re humans. We live on land.

Sharks live in water.

So if you’re swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that’s called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.

A shark attack is if you’re chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that’s a shark attack. Now, if you’re chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.

When I see on the news where it’s like, ‘There have been 10 shark attacks,’ I’m like, ‘Hey, for real?! They’re just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don’t live underwater.’

So in order for it to truly be a shark attack, it has to happen at your house? I can buy that. We need to respect sharks and give them their space, so calling it trespassing is understandable. Using that definition, we can make the same assumption that a shark attack has never happened, right?


Shark attacks boy in his bedroom

Anyone involved in a shark attack would be considered unlucky – but few could claim to have been as luckless as Sam Hawthorne.

The teenager survived a terrifying ordeal when he was bitten in the face by one of the killer beasts – in his own bedroom.

The ‘attack’ happened when the 14-year-old sleepwalked into a long-dead souvenir shark hanging on the wall of his nautical-themed room.

Even though the shark wasn’t alive, I don’t see anyway you can’t qualify that as a shark attack using Gil’s criteria. And we didn’t even need Mythbusters to disprove it!

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