In summary, there’s not a whole lot to worry about with Gilbert’s shark tank.  Sure, it’s a little more ambitious than your average fish bowl, but it’s nothing that should have us afraid that Gilbert will go down with a shark-related injury.  But, you already knew that, since shark attacks aren’t real anyways.

On the court, Gilbert’s injuries kept him from having the kind of season that he was looking for, but he still delivered as one of the more marketable players in the NBA. Despite missing most of the season, Gilbert sold more jerseys than such star players as Dirk Nowitzki, Dwight Howard, Tracy McGrady, Paul Pierce, and Pau Gasol.

It’s interesting to note that at the Wizards’ online store that most of Gilbert’s merchandise is on sale. At first glance, it would seem that maybe the Wizards are putting them on sale to prepare for no Agent Zero next year, but if you look at Caron Butler and Antawn Jamison’s merchandise, you’ll see that most of their items are on sale as well, so I wouldn’t panic.

After opting out of the last year of his contract, Gilbert told Ivan Carter that there’s a “75 percent chance” that he’ll be back next season.  Of course, promises with a higher percentage of certainty have fallen through, so it’s important to get a feel for what 75% odds are like.

With that in mind, here’s some examples of things with a 75% chance of happening:

1. Baron Davis hitting a free throw (this season at least).
2. The next American you meet is a book reader.
3. The higher seed will win the NBA Finals under the current 2-3-2 format.
4. A school budget being approved.
5. That you’ll be overweight in 2015.
6. The red snapper you just bought isn’t really red snapper.

Now that you know the odds, here’s to hoping for mislabeled seafood Gilbert’s return next year!

Yesterday, DC Sports Bog made the discovery that Gilbert is selling buttons with some of his famous catchphrases at his online shop, including my personal favorite:

There’s a nice selection of buttons to choose from, but I’d like to see Truth About It’s buttons added to the collection.

Remember when Ian Edwards Gilbert made that joke about how there’s no such thing as a shark attack? In case you forgot, here it is straight from his blog:

I know this is random, but I just want to clear this up for people out there.

There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack.

I know you’re making a weird face as you’re reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.

We’re humans. We live on land.

Sharks live in water.

So if you’re swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that’s called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.

A shark attack is if you’re chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that’s a shark attack. Now, if you’re chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.

When I see on the news where it’s like, ‘There have been 10 shark attacks,’ I’m like, ‘Hey, for real?! They’re just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don’t live underwater.’

So in order for it to truly be a shark attack, it has to happen at your house? I can buy that. We need to respect sharks and give them their space, so calling it trespassing is understandable. Using that definition, we can make the same assumption that a shark attack has never happened, right?

Wrong.

Shark attacks boy in his bedroom

Anyone involved in a shark attack would be considered unlucky – but few could claim to have been as luckless as Sam Hawthorne.

The teenager survived a terrifying ordeal when he was bitten in the face by one of the killer beasts – in his own bedroom.

The ‘attack’ happened when the 14-year-old sleepwalked into a long-dead souvenir shark hanging on the wall of his nautical-themed room.

Even though the shark wasn’t alive, I don’t see anyway you can’t qualify that as a shark attack using Gil’s criteria. And we didn’t even need Mythbusters to disprove it!